Hidden in the Shadows

First of all, I just want to thank all of my readers for all their love and support, as well their advice and feedback. It means a lot. ?

In the 6 months since I’ve come back to blogging, I’ve found a lot of love an acceptance from people I’ve never even met. And it’s really cool. I wish I saw this acceptance more in the real world.

Anyway, there is something about me that I want my devoted readers to know. I have a…I guess you could call it a condition or ailment or whatever where I don’t eat all of the things that a person usually eats. And since I’ve probably baffled you, I’m going to elaborate a bit.

When I was really young (I was probably around 3), I got sick. My dad thinks it was from a fast food hamburger (which is why I can’t stand beef). Before that, everything was fine. I was developing my taste for food as normal. But then I got so sick, that I ended up in the hospital and I was feeling really bad and I was just hating every minute of it (I don’t remember much but what I do remember was not good). After that, my eating was pretty much ruined.

I tried to get back on track as far as developing tastes for things but every time I would try something, I would get nauseous, a lot of times gagging the food back up (It still happens from time to time). My dad tried everything to solve this problem but to no avail.

It was really hard when I was younger because I was so afraid of trying foods that were new to me. But as I’ve grown older, the fear has eased a bit, thankfully. And my condition is only as big of deal as me simply being extremely picky.

So what do I eat? Well, I love chicken but I only eat it certain ways (fried). I love fries. I love pizza. I eat pork occasionally. I’ll do fried fish from time to time. I love most fruits (I’m still getting used to the texture of strawberries ?). I love sugary foods (donuts, cookies, etc.). I love certain types of bread (biscuits, garlic bread). I’ll eat cereal and granola bars.

But other than the foods listed above, I don’t eat anything else.

This is something that I kind of hate about myself, even though I can’t exactly help it. I hate it because it makes more different from my friends and that every time I go out, I’m always afraid that I won’t be able to find something I’ll eat and I don’t want to make my friends uncomfortable if I get sick from trying something.

I’ve avoid the possibility of going abroad for long periods of time because of this issue. There’s nothing I would love more than to spend a semester studying in some far away place like England or Australia but I’m so afraid that I’ll have trouble eating while I’m there.

But like I said, it’s getting better, little by little. My progress isn’t as fast as I would like it to be but I’m a lot better than what I used to be. I think when I finally have a steady job and my career is stable, I’ll start going to a therapist or some professional who can help me more. I think as long as I’m determined to improve, I’ll get better.

Side note: I’ve add some links to some of the resources I’ve used to help develop this site, including a link to The New Boston where you can find lots of different coding tutorials.

See you next time!


  • Pauline

    Thanks for sharing this with us Cassidy! I know it takes a lot to open up about things like this. I’m glad to hear though that you are actively taking steps to get better and explore on it more, I think that really helps. I hope you can talk to a professional about it soon too who may be able to speed things up a bit!

    I can sort of relate with my new clean eating habit, I’ve started feeling awkward when I’m having a meal with my friends because I’m always looking for a cleaner alternative to the oily fries and burgers and sometimes I do get judged for it but it doesn’t really bother me much as it did before. Also regarding travelling, I’m sure they always have an alternative just like they have veggie alternatives? Most restaurants also let you change up your order a bit if you ask them to!

    Thanks for sharing Cassidy! Have a great week <3

  • Georgie

    Your diet is what you make it 🙂 It’s upsetting that this started from you becoming sick when you were younger, but you need to own it. There is certainly no shame in having a limited diet especially when you’d be worse off if you had other food. But since there is a bit of fear involved, it’s a good thing that you’ve realised it can be a problem. You just have to turn it around and not make it one. I’ve been pescetarian for four years and at first it was really hard telling people I wasn’t going to eat chicken anymore. Even now, meeting new people is hard because they’ll want to go for a burger or they will suggest food to me that I won’t eat.

    I think it’s good that many places now will be able to modify orders for you, especially if you have allergies or even if you have a condition like yours. I’m not sure if you could just be allergic to some ingredients in foods (well I know it can’t be gluten because you eat bread no problem, haha), but I hope you find out a little more about your condition or ways to make things better.

    Don’t fear coming to Australia, if you come to Sydney then I promise I’ll help you find foods you can eat. I’m all too familiar with catering for others because not only am I “one of them” (haha), but I have a lot of vegetarian friends or friends who won’t eat certain foods.

    It’s also up to people to respect that and not mock you for it – so you should definitely not feel uncomfortable. I think part of it is accepting that you may have less options or maybe just bringing food with you (like biscuits!) – I have a friend who will not eat socially and will basically refuse to eat around people because he has social anxiety. And that’s fine, he’ll just eat at home, and it’s up to the rest of us not to be douches and force him to eat or pressure him.

    You’re not alone! ?

  • Nancy

    I’m glad you opened up and shared this bit about you. There is nothing wrong with being “picky” about the kind of food you eat. Everyone is different and don’t be afraid of ordering something different. It’s better to stick to whatever you’re comfortable with and not risk anything bad happening to you. I have a list of food that I would avoid if I could.

    I have friends who would only eat certain foods and I’m fine with finding a place that serves it. It’s all good :). Negative thoughts from others don’t matter ;). Whichever route you end up taking, I’m sure it’s the best one for your situation :).

  • Sasha

    So do I (hope Turkey doesn’t get into EU).

    Your diet is what you like and suits your tastes, and there’s nothing wrong with being picky – especially if you have a delicate stomach that doesn’t handle some kind of foods well (my cousin too can’t eat every food, whenever she eats normally for a while her stomach then “revolts” and she has to stick to plain rice, chicken or vegetables).
    Hope you’ll be able to find more types of food to eat; best of luck. 🙂

  • Rezina

    Thanks for sharing something so personal! It sounds really difficult *hugs* and also that’s awesome that you’ve been getting better, especially since it’s not like you can exactly help your body’s reaction to different types of food. It also must be really hard not to eat what you want to at least try to eat. And in a way, it sounds like eating new things is a fear for you so it’s even more awesome that you’re trying to tackle that fear in your own way.

    And I wouldn’t worry too much about traveling abroad! The foods you mention that you can eat usually exist in any country you visit and it shouldn’t stop you from going on the adventures you want to go on. I know of people who also pack food with them (i.e. ramen) to eat abroad in other countries.