On Love

Valentine’s Day is coming up and while that day will be pretty uneventful for me, I do feel like bringing up the topic because of the mystery it holds for some people.

1)comic courtesy of Left Unattended Comics

 

I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m not seeing anyone that has the potential to become my boyfriend. I’ve had flirts in the past and I have straight up told anyone that I deemed worthy of my love how I felt about them. But still, I’ve never been in a committed, long term relationship. So there are a lot of things about love that are a mystery to me.

I’m a child of divorce. My parents separated when I was 3 and made it final when I was 5 so I lived in a one parent household for most of my childhood. I never saw my mom and dad do romantic things. I never saw them go on dates or tell each other how much they meant to one another. So my early ideas of love came from whatever Disney movies I watched (which were a ton) or whatever televisions shows my little self was interested in. As a result, I got some pretty unrealistic expectations about love.

Those unrealistic expectations caused me a ton of heart break in grade school. And I’m not just exaggerating. Every single time I threw myself out there, I got hurt.  And it frustrated me because I had no idea what I was doing wrong or why no one returned the feelings.

Eventually, I kind of gave up. I resigned myself to being a crazy dog lady for the rest of life. I figured that love would find me eventually but I wasn’t going to turn myself into an emotional wreck while looking for it.

Fast forward to today. I’m working 2 jobs, taking 15 credits, and I’m involved with a co-ed fraternity a long with a couple other clubs related to my major. I don’t really have time to be involved with someone. I find myself fantasizing about it now and then because half of me is a hopeless romantic, but in a time of my life where everyone is hooking up, I really would like something that will last.

I have a few guy friends that I enjoy hanging out with. I do get somewhat annoyed when someone inquires if I’m romantically involved with them. I don’t blame their curiousness but I hate the stereotype that’s associated with seeing a girl and a guy together.

Anyway, I have a friend who came over to my place the other night and we talked for a while. We talked about life and I ranted to him about a rude group of people that I served earlier that week. But somehow our conversation turned to past relationships and we ended up expressing our views on love. We both had pessimistic views on it but I was/am more…I guess hopeful about it. I’m still hopeful that there’s someone out there with whom I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with.

The next day, while I replayed our conversation in my head, I thought back to some of the questions I had asked my dad. I asked him how he knew my mom (and then later my step-mom) was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He told he knew when he couldn’t picture his life without her. He also brought up this quote:

Love is friendship caught fire

I like to believe it. It kind of matches up with something I saw on Pinterest that said if the person is truly meant to be your sole mate, you won’t feel any agitation, anxiety, etc. The lack of those feelings match perfectly with friendship.

My point is, I guess people will believe what they will about love. I guess no theory is right or wrong but completely dependent on what a person believes in.

What are your philosophies on love? 

References   [ + ]

1. comic courtesy of Left Unattended Comics

7 thoughts on “On Love

  1. It’s fine if you don’t have a boyfriend or seeing anyone at the moment. You’ll find your answer about love within time. Everyone has their own opinion on what love is and how someone realizes they’re in love.

    Rejection sucks :x. I’ve been through a few and wanted to become a cat lady instead XD. I find it really respectful that you’re working 2 jobs while maintaining a full load at school. When the time comes, that *right person* will come through. Who knows, they might come from one of your involvements whether it’s at work, school, or extracurricular.

    Your dad is on point about love being a friendship that caught fire! I feel like you have to venture out for love. It doesn’t come to you!

  2. I can totally relate. My parents are still together though, but they never showed affection to each other and they’ve been very reserved in front of me. I was groing up with fantasies from movies and that brought me heartbreak too.

    I wish to feel live, to understand it. I mean, I believe in it, but I never felt it(for a guy, because there are different kinds if love). I am hopeful that when the right person comes I will find it and understand it. Until then I can only imagine it.

  3. I think you have a great outlook on love. I don’t think it can be pinned to just one way. You’re right, everyone does see and believe in different things.
    It also changes. I, for the first time, am in a relationship that makes sense. I’m loving every minute of it. After my previous 2 yr relationship ended, I was left with this desire to find myself again. Because I had lost myself in something that became toxic. Relationships can be scary, because you sometimes lose yourself. Being happy with myself and having someone that adds to that happiness is all I could hope for.

  4. Your situation is sort of similar but opposite from mine. My parents also didn’t show a lot of outward affection and really just fight all the time, but I ended up with a sort of jaded outlook on love instead of having unrealistic expectations via movies haha

    I used to worry about this all the time when I was younger (although I’m still pretty young) and now I feel like it’s okay not to be in a relationship or have feelings for someone and so on. Everyone walks life at a different pace and love comes in a lot of different types, like the love you have for your family and friends.

    Thanks for sharing!

  5. My parents were abusive and toxic and showed me terrible relationship examples but through my own experiences and friends’ guidance and support, I realized what real love is.

    Also love can change, as people do change, for better or worse, but love takes two, not one, and it’s not for the selfish as you have to think about the other person. It’s difficult to go from the one mentality to others, but it can be done.

  6. My parents have been married for 30+ years now. For my dad, it’s his second marriage and a first for my mum. I don’t see much passion between them, but what I do see love in the form of dedication and loyalty, and that’s the kind of relationship I would want with whoever my future guy is. I guess to me, the physical aspect a relationship isn’t as important as the emotional part. That’s why your dad’s quote really impacted me because I believe that a good relationship not only has passion, but it’s built with a foundation of friendship.

    I’ve been single since 18. My life’s been pretty hectic and chaotic in terms of always being busy with work and school. I would like to find someone, sure, but I’m also very happy where I am at. If I do find someone, I find someone. If I don’t, it’s not the end of the world 🙂 I’d much rather cherish my parents and friends!

  7. I can totally relate to this. My parents aren’t romantic to each other at all, they’ve never really shown affection to each other even on days like Valentines Day or their birthdays to be honest. All my ideas of romance was from movies, tv shows! Like Disney so yeah it has been unrealistic for me too. The internet and social media has done this to me in the past but after being in two very long term serious relationships I’ve realised that I can’t expect these unrealistic expectations to take over because relationships are a lot more than what is shown on these shows – they’re a lot of work!

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